New America – A Survival Guide for White Democrats in Trump’s America

Free from bothersome Senate trials and the comical and sad Democratic primary, Donald “Dotard” Trump looks poised to win reelection  in November.

Trump’s approval rating among his core base is 95% and his overall approval rating shifts between 46% and 50%. He owns the Justice Department, where Bill “Toaster Head” Barr runs interference on any attempts to investigate the Trump/Trump family money-laundering, foreign election interference, and emolument law-breaking.

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Trump remains “Teflon Don” because no matter how many laws he or his businesses break  – from stealing from a children’s cancer charity, Trump University implosion, nepotism – Ivanka and Jared made ~$90m last year while taking advantage of lack of oversight – to and soliciting foreign help and blackmailing an ally as he sought reelection help – Trump remains a free orange man.

Not to be lost is Trump’s bytch-slapping republicans and getting them to kiss the ring on his tiny hand while they protect him and do his dirty work. Oh how times have changed from the days republicans hated Russia to today where republicans say they trust Vlad Putin more than Democrats. Never mind Russian TV News daily mock and ridicule Trump and republicans as lackeys and incompetent buffoons.

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Never fear though, Democrats, of the coming – continuing? – dictatorship and banana republic because your fellow Democrats – the Black ones – will help you adjust to your new reality because your worst fear have been our jolly old reality since we (in chains) stepped (thrown) on these great (Native occupied) shores (plantations).

Here are the top things you need to know about surviving in Trump’s New America:

  1. Pass Laws will be in effect. Keep your ID on you at all times and, equally important, stay out of neighborhoods where the white population is 50%+. If you have to go, have an appointment so that you don’t surprise someone, and so when deputy dog stops you, you can confidently tell him the name, address, reason, and time you’ll be leaving – also please be sure you mention to the police officer that you’ll be gone before sundown because that can help  you stay alive.
  2. Stop and Frisk. You’re going to be randomly stopped – whether walking in the mall, in the Target or Dress Barn parking lot, or to your car in your company parking lot. Just do as the officer says, obey all instructions, leave your comb, brush, soda, cigarettes, gloves, hat, red bull, water bottle, pen, license, registration, eyelash – all of it alone as the bright light of the cop’s flashlight blinds you. Leave it all alone despite the fact that his hand is on his gun. You’ll still get your ass beaten, but you’ll also be able to tell your family and friends you did nothing wrong. No one will believe you, but you’ll feel better while you recuperate and look for work since you’ll also be fired from your coal-mining job that Trump has waiting for you.
  3. Jury of your Peers. If you live to tell the story of the cop beating, but not killing you, you may end up in court. Be prepared for a jury of your peers. And by peers I mean maga-peers. Don’t worry, just like you’ve been taught and what you’ve always admonished to your fellow Black Democrats, they maga-jury will be fair and impartial. Trust the system!
  4. Jobs! Tidy up your resume and take off anything that marks you as “Blue” or Democrat. I know, I know, you paid for your liberal arts degree (your parents did, lol) and your student loans were never forgiven, but the hiring manager doesn’t care. Hide that shit or else you won’t get hired because it’s “Just too complicated in the office if we hire a democrat since it’ll just make the office dynamics difficult.”
  5. Surviving at work. But even if you do get hired don’t talk politics at work -hide your blue! You can do it and if you want to stay on good terms with your maga bosses, you’ll do it too, so join in on the racists, homophobic, misogynistic jokes because, they’re just jokes and no one wants to hear from you PC snowflakes. This is the same as what you experience today so, keep doing what you’re doing.
  6. Credit Ratings. Your home, auto, and credit card loans will have high interest rates -no matter how good your credit is or how much money you make. No matter what that greasy smiling loan officer says, he’s lying, and that 8th grade dropout yokel brother-in-law of yours who works part-time, nights and weekends, at Carl’s Jr’s will get better rates than your college educated liberal arts learning democratic ass.
  7. Betsy Devos schools. Your “government” school will be chronically underfunded, have Devos pictures in the hall and on the quad, your teachers will be 50% substitute teachers, the average age of your teacher will be 24, and she’ll be broke so she’ll also be your Lyft driver. No worries, though, she’ll be packing heat just waiting for Lindsey, Lindsay, Megan, Meghan, Emma, Emmy, Chad, Cole, Barron, to pop off.
  8. Bodily Control. You will be able to get an abortion. Just go to Auntie’s Beauty Emporium, ask for Aunt Betty, and wait. Bring cash or don’t go. Buy weed on your way out.
  9. Voting. Trump will allow voting, so never fear your voice won’t be heard. He will “fix” the order the States to: Trump Round 1: Iowa, New Hampshire, Montana, Wyoming, Dakotas, Alabama, Nebraska, Mississippi, Kansas. Ivanka Round 2: All other red States. Loser Rounds, on Nov 5th: Blue States
  10. Black Friend (s?) Just remember, Black Americans have survived all of the above for 400 years. If you need any assistance or help in coping and navigating Trump’s New America, ask your one Black friend for help.

© 2020 Myron J. Clifton. All Rights Reserved.

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