Church Stories II: “Cousin Jean”
Written by Myron J. Clifton
“The woman said, “I see a spirit coming up out of the ground; an old man wearing a robe is coming up”
1 Samuel 28:14-16
“I’m going over to cousin Jean’s house, okay?” Jamaal asked and told his grandfather. “Imma spend the night. She said it’s been too long since I stayed with her and she said she’s making burgers and apple pie.” Jamaal loved his older cousin Jean. He thought she was strange, eccentric, and sometimes odd. But she’d always been extra kind and giving to him and so he’d take a liking to her.
“Your weird cousin needs to bring her big but to church sometimes.” His grandfather answered. Jamaal knew this was his grandfather’s way of saying ‘yes”.
“She’s coming to church tomorrow. She said she likes the church we are visiting. Imma spend the night, okay?”
“Just be on time to Sunday school. We have a big day and our visit to Center of Love will be Holy Ghost filled.”
“Okay, I will.” Jamaal said.
He walked out of his grandfather’s office and left the church and last of four funerals for Pastor Carter. Each funeral was bigger than the one before, but the words of praise for his holiness and piety caused Jamaal to roll his eyes more than once.
Jamaal got a ride from a church member and headed over to his favorite cousin’s home which, while it was only a few miles away, was in a neighborhood that was past its prime with older unkept homes, inoperable cars on the street, on lawns, and lined up in driveways.
It was just past nine-p.m when he arrived at cousin Jean’s home. It was a bungalow style home that was about fifty years old. Cousin Jean didn’t work, she was on disability for something Jamaal wasn’t aware of and never asked. He just thought it was because she was strange.
Jamaal exited the car and walked up the driveway. The stairs squeaked and there was a bench swing, two old chairs, and children’s toys on the corner of the porch. Cousin Jean didn’t have kids.
Jamaal knocked and rang the doorbell. He couldn’t hear the doorbell, so he figured it was broken, so he knocked a few more times. It was dark and her porch didn’t have a light and her curtains were thick so he couldn’t see light inside her home. He started to wonder if she had left or forgotten she had invited him over.
The door swung open.
Jamaal smiled and started to lean over to hug cousin Jean as he always did, but as he leaned, he abruptly stopped and stood straight up.
Cousin Jean was in her underwear. Except only on the bottom. She was naked from the waist up. Her breasts were large and hung down her wide stomach to her naval.
Cousin Jean was short and overweight. Some called her fat, but Jamaal thought she was solid and proportional before this moment. He still didn’t think she was fat, but he now thought her breasts were fat since they seemed to be the entire middle part of her body. And they were wide. Her nipples were thick and long and the round area the nipples came out of – Jamaal had no idea what that area was called – was also large – as large and the same color as a toasted hamburger bun.
“I just started making the burgers. Come on in.” Cousin Jean’s voice sounded far away but the word “burger” jolted Jamaal to attention just in time to see cousin Jean turn and walk away. Her turn caused her breasts to swing so that when her back was to Jamaal, he could still see her breasts for just a moment.
Jamaal stood there unable to move or talk.
“Boy, you gon’ see a lot of titties, if you haven’t already and if you’re into titties. And if you haven’t seen titties well, now you have. Come on in and close the door behind you.” Cousin Jean said as walked into her kitchen.
“I guess I have seen breasts now.” Jamaal said as he entered the home and closed the door behind him.
“Cousin, you make the best burgers ever,” Jamaal said earnestly, while looking at his now empty plate. Cousin Jean cooked and ate while still topless.
“I really do. Let’s clean the mess because we’re going to have a séance next.”
“Séance. We’re going to call a spirit back from the dead and talk to them.” Cousin Jean said matter-of-factly just like she was talking about her delicious burgers.
“Okay.” Jamaal said, equally freightened and intrigued. He never quite knew what was going on in cousin Jean’s head and so he just went with the flow with her latest scheme.
Jamaal cleared the table and stacked the dishes in the sink with the other dishes.
“Come on. I got the table ready for us. You go turn off all the lights and I’ll light the candles.”
“Okay,” Jamaal said as he walked around the home turning off all lights. When he was done, the only light in the house was from two candles at the table where they had eaten dinner. It was now close to eleven o’clock, cousin Jean was still topless, and Jamaal was tired and slightly more scared than intrigued.
“Clear your mind, Jamaal. Spirits need clarity in order enter a home. Close your eyes and think of nothing.”
“Okay,” Jamaal said again, while unable to think of nothing but very able to think of cousin Jean’s breasts which were relaxing on the table.
“We are ready, spirit. We are honest and we are respectful. Let our presence guide your presence to us. Please come to us.”
Nothing happened for about four minutes.
“Jamaal!” Cousin Jean screamed so loudly Jamaal jumped up, hands on the table, and eyes again focused on cousin Jean’s eyes, then breasts, then quickly back to her eyes again.
“Don’t let these big ass titties make you not see the spirit that has come back. Look!”
Cousin Jean pointed to the window that was to the left of the where they sat and that looked out to the side of the house.
Jamaal didn’t remember if cousin Jean had opened the window before they started the séance, but it was now open. And the curtain was drawn and being moved by a slight wind that Jamaal also hadn’t noticed until just now.
“Jamaal, the spirit is in the house now. Look at the shadow! Look! Look!” Cousin Jean was pointing slightly to the right of the window and curtain.
Jamaal looked and didn’t see anything.
Then he thought he saw a shadow.
“It’s just the candles, cousin.” Jamaal said not truly believing the words as they left his mouth because just as he said them, he saw the shadow cousin Jean saw and it was moving through the curtains.
“That…” Jamaal didn’t finish his thoughts as cousin Jean screamed: “It’s in the house, Jamaal. Let’s go find it!”
Jamaal’s feet were frozen, and his senses couldn’t settle into normalcy with the big breasts, candles, wind and now, apparently, a spirit in the house.
“GO!” Cousin Jean yelled as she raced through the house screaming for the spirit to show itself.
Jamaal finally started moving. He walked to the hall, past the bathroom and stared into cousin Jean’s bedroom.
“Jamaal, look in the hall closet; spirits like to hide in closets and mess things up.” Cousin Jean yelled from the living room.
Jamaal looked to his right there was the closet. It was a full-sized coat or linen closet and it had an old-style glass door handle.
Jamaal twisted the glass door handle, feeling his sweaty hands tighten to ensure the old knob turned. He slowly opened the door and stared into the blackness.
The shove was hard and violent, and Jamaal fell forward hard into the closet, hearing the slam of the closet door over and through the noise of his falling. Then he heard something that sounded like a scream or a laugh or both.
Jamaal screamed as he gathered himself to stand inside the closet that was full of musty clothes and unknown things on the floor.
Jamaal screamed again after realizing the inside door handle was missing. He banged on the door, hitting with the side of his fist over and over and until the door quickly opened and light instantly blinded Jamaal causing him to raise his arm to shield his eyes, while still trying to see who, or what, had opened the door.
“Boy, what are you doing in there?!?” Cousin Jean said curtly as she grabbed Jamaal’s shoulder and yanked him toward her. She yanked so hard, Jamaal stumbled forward into her and her large, wide breasts.
“Uh. Okay. Uh. Sorry.” Jamaal stuttered.
“Child you really need to get over these titties. They ain’t going nowhere. Shit, they too big even for me but its worse when I wear those stupid bras. Look, I don’t know why you closed the door behind you when you went into the closet, but that was dumb. You were scared, too!” Cousin Jean laughed and laughed as she moved away from Jamaal and back into her dining room where she turned on the lights, closed the window, and blew out the candles.
“Why you push me into the closet?” Jamaal asked directly.
“That must have been the spirit. We brought his whoring ass back and I guess he was mad at you.”
“Who was it, cousin?” Jamaal was genuinely perplexed.
“Pastor Carter. He died screwing that whore and think nobody knew. We all knew he was a whore. Your grand daddy knew, too. I wanted to call him back so I could tell him good riddance.” Cousin Jean had gotten a container of ice-cream and had started scooping it into coffee cups for each of them.
“How you know how he died?’
“Ha ha ha. Child, you think something like that – dying with your penis inside a whore – stays a secret?” What will stay a secret is how he tried it with me, too. Got all handsy one night. His stupid ass showed up on my porch. Unlike you, the sight of these big ass titties was too much for him to handle so he grabbed with both hands.”
“What did you do?” Jamaal suddenly felt bad for cousin Jean.
“Since his hands were tied up holding my tits, I kicked him in his holy nuts. Come on, let’s have our ice-cream and watch scary movies.”
Cousin jean picked up her coffee cup full of ice-cream and headed to her sofa, where she picked up her remote control and turned the T.V. to the horror movie channel.
Jamaal stood for a moment and then picked up his coffee cup full of ice cream and sat at the other end of the sofa. He looked at cousin Jean enjoying her ice cream, giant breasts lounging on her stomach, nipples still protruding, and the toasted hamburger area now as dark as the closet he was shoved into by her, no doubt.
“I have to get up early and you have to take me to Sunday school, cousin.” Jamaal said as he tasted his ice cream.
“I’ll get you there when we get there. Now shut it and let’s enjoy some fake horror.”
“You crazy, cousin, but I love you.”
Cousin Jean made Jamaal watch two full length horror movies and he didn’t get to bed until well after three a.m.
“There’s nothing that’ll top this night” Jamaal said, as he finally went to sleep across from naked cousin Jean in her bed.
© 2019 by Myron J. Clifton. All Rights Reserved.