BLM-LD – Chapter 6: The Funerals

Written by M.J.C

The Funerals

Beast was eating egg whites and fresh fruit for breakfast at Stacey’s Breakfast Extravaganza. She hated breaking any routine, so she ate the same breakfast she had been eating for many years. The fruit wasn’t too good and there wasn’t any watermelon so she was annoyed on one hand, but happy on the other so, basically it was a normal day for Beast. It was a dive breakfast place of a type that she’d never go to in her real life. It was grimy, old, and there was nothing else on the menu that appealed to her.

She was sent here by KJ during their drive to St. Louis when they each got their instructions. Beast’s job was right here in this grimy breakfast restaurant. KJ said each of her ten targets would be here for breakfast. They’d all gotten a “Special Invitation to the heroes who protect us” from all the thugs, criminals, and black “crimes” matter. They were promised their pictures would be placed on the Police Officer Wall of Fame and that they could eat there for free, forever. They were asked to RSVP and told the local Good Day St. Louis crew would be there.

KJ had tapped into their vanity and it had worked.


The cops showed up and they were greeted by no one. There was only one other diner in the restaurant. A woman eating alone, in a booth just down the way from where the cops sat, and she was reading a book and not really paying attention to what was happening in the restaurant.

Beast stopped pushing her egg whites around and walked over to the cops and introduced herself as part of the Good Day St. Louis advance crew. She looked the part, too, with her slacks, medium heels, on-point (always) make-up, and her flaming red hair that, she said, garnered her a compliment every day for fifteen straight years and counting.

A quick assessment told Beast that there were more cops here than was invited. But she was prepared because she told KJ this is exactly what would happen because workers loved free food.

Then Beast walked over to the dive restaurant host. “Hi, can you get the cook frying eggs and cooking bacon, if you can get the water, I’ll get the coffee since I know you’re alone on this shift and I work for the St. Louis police department.”

Beast took control and acted like a boss and because she’d been a boss for so long, she carried the authority of one and thus the host Stacey did exactly as Beast asked her.

Diner coffee pots

“I’d be thrilled for the help, ma’am, thank you so much! I’m so happy the police came here! It’s a shame those two officers had to die. I’ll get some water; the coffee is right over there, and I have already brewed three pots,” the host Stacey replied happily.

“Thank you, Hon,” Beast said with a smile.

Beast brought coffee cups for all of the officers and poured them each a cup. She talked and flirted and gave out compliments and they all rolled over for her, loving her attention and sassiness.

“I know it’s a somber day and I’m sorry for the loss of another officer,” Beast said, getting all their attention with words and her striking looks.

“I’m glad you are all here and that, wherever you’re from, you’re protecting us from the worst criminals, rapists, Mexicans, and mostly the blacks. They are the worst!”

The officers smiled and chuckled in agreement and a more than a few made racist comments to Beast.

Then one cop said: “We are heroes precisely because we rid the country of the rats and vermin that are barely human.”

Beast thought of her friend and his humanity and kindness.

Beast raised her own coffee cup to toast: “To heroes, then.”

“Gentlemen, drink up!”


All the cops drank some of their coffee. Then the host brought over a few pitchers of water, and started sitting them on the tables,

Beast put her coffee cup down. Her cup was full because she didn’t drink coffee, which always pissed her friend off.

“Here, let me take one of those pitchers, Hon, ” Beast said to Stacey.

As the pitcher passed to Beast’s hands, she emptied a clear vial of liquid that contained enough poison to kill fifty people. As she emptied one pitcher after another, she dropped clear liquid into each in one fluid motion, and all the while still talking, sassing, and flirting with the unsuspecting cops.

She had also poured the same poison into the coffee pots. The poison was odorless and mostly tasteless. It would certainly be tasteless in the coffee.

Beast had made certain that the lady eating alone would not get the poisoned water or coffee. The lady wore a bad wig, Beast thought fleetingly.

Beast let the cops know she was going to call her crew to check on their arrival, and then she left to get to the rendezvous location. But not before two of the cops swatted her on the ass as she walked past them to leave, one said he wanted to hook up with her, another said questioned her red hair and if she was red all over, and yet another said he’d like to lick her feet. All the cops were laughing as they tried to one-up each other in their tacky harassment.

“Fuckers,” Beast thought.” Enjoy your coffee and water, motherfcukers.”

Beast exited the restaurant, entered her car and drove away. She turned the radio on and as she started happily singing an old Train song, “Hey Soul Sister,” the officers were choking to death on cyanide coffee and/or cyanide water.

By the time Beast finished singing the bridge of the song:

I don’t want to miss a single thing you do – 

Hey, hey

I don’t want to miss a single thing you do

hey, hey hey 

– all of the murdering cops were dead, and Stacey the host was screaming while sitting on the floor trying desperately to dial 911.

The other customer walked over, took the phone out of Stacey’s hand, called 911, and handed the phone back to Stacey. Stacey was told by the dispatcher that officers were on their way.

The lone diner, the woman from the booth who called 911, quietly walked out of the restaurant to her car and drove away.

KJ hung up the phone after talking with Stacey the host and assuring her that officers were on the way.

No officers were on their way tho, and in fact those dead officers were just a start, KJ thought.



Niwt was on the 24th floor of the hotel. Each of her targets was on this floor. KJ let her know that they were in the last ten rooms down the hall. The cops were told their breakfast was on the house and would be delivered between 8:30 and 9:30 am. Niwt was given a master hotel
passkey and she entered the hotel through the back employee entrance with the key.

She took the service elevator to the 24th floor and walked to her first door. Put her headphones on and turned to her Rising Appalachia soundtrack and knocked on the door.

She knocked while saying: “Breakfast!”

The officer opened the door. He was in his shower towel and he was dripping of water. Niwt thought he looked like Ed Sheeran. She hated Ed Sheeran. Then the officer stared into her eyes and dropped his bath towel, exposing himself.

She really hated Ed Sheeran now.

Niwt’s left foot crushed both of Ed’s balls. Then her right knee knocked out Ed’s teeth and put Ed’s brain out of service. Ed hit the ground face down in a crumple. Before Ed finished collapsing in a red-haired pile, the Kukri knife opened a new smile just under his chin and his red chin hair.

Niwt backed out and closed the door. Then she looked at her watch: Forty-eight seconds. Good, but not great, she thought as she moved to the next door.

The next cop was very large and out of shape. Her elbow struck the side of his head as he turned to allow her in the room. He hit the wall and Niwt put an elbow to his throat, grabbed his thumb and broke it, and then sliced open his extremely large gut, spilling entrails on the floor and causing him to slip and fall. Niwt finished him off by almost decapitating him. She exited the room, being careful not to step too much in his running blood.

Fifty-two seconds. Dam, she thought, she needed to get below forty seconds.

Hotel Hallway

Next room. Next death. 40 seconds. Then 32. Then 22. Then 35. Then 2:34 and she was hurt.

In the seventh room, the 2:34 room, the cop was fully dressed and had his sidepiece locked in.

Niwt sliced his right hand as soon as she entered. But this cop was in shape and fast, and he kicked her in the knee as she tried to move past him. She immediately recognized that the killings had been so easy up to now she’d let her guard down. And now she was in pain.

And angry.

She fell as he kicked her knee and it hurt but she also rolled with the kick so that it didn’t break her leg. And when she rolled and as she was coming up, she pulled out her Kukri.

And he kicked it out of her hand.

He lunged for her and that was his fatal mistake. She turned her shoulders just slightly and he missed her completely. As he tried to stop his momentum and turn around, she kicked the back of his right knee and, unlike him, she broke his leg. As he fell she jumped and, in one swift motion she grabbed her Kukri, landed on his huge back, and deftly with a heave, inserted the Kukri in the back of his neck, instantly immobilizing him.

As she got up, because she was mad at how long she’d been in his room, she pulled the knife down his spine, slicing him open and exposing his spine. He gurgled a small cry, and she kicked him in the face.

She wasted no time in the next room As soon as the door opened, Niwt sliced the cop’s neck in one motion, and in the return motion she sliced again, and then with one final motion, she sliced clear through his face and he dropped straight down like a piece of ice-cream falling off a cone.


20 seconds.

Two to go.

She knocked and again, yet another cop answered wearing only a towel. What is wrong with these pervy cops, she thought to herself. She gutted him and his entrails spilled out. She sliced his throat, and sliced right through his groin, leaving his balls and part of his penis on the floor.

12 seconds.

One to go. She knocked. And then knocked again.

No answer.

Shit, she thought.

She used her key and entered the room. “Breakfast!”

“Come on in, sweet thing”, the cop answered.

Niwt closed the door behind her and entered the room. The cop was lying on the bed. Naked.

“For the love of god,” Niwt, said out loud. “What is the fuck wrong with you people!?”

The cop laughed and said: “Come sit right here.” He was patting his hairy leg.

“Okay, I sure will,” Niwt said changing her tone and with a disarming smile that put the cop at ease. He smiled back and said: “This is the kind of breakfast a man needs before a funeral!” And his hands started to move toward Niwt.

Before his right hand touched her, Niwt sliced it off at the wrist and it fell to the floor with a soft thud.

“And since you want your leg patted, here you go,” Niwt said, as she sliced both his thighs, severing both arteries, sliced his other hand off, and then disemboweled him all in one swift motion that was done in 8 seconds.

“Aducator de moarte,” she whispered to the dying cop.

Niwt got up and saw that she had a lot of blood on her. She’d ignored it up to now but she couldn’t exit the hotel like this. She left the room and as she walked out the door a housekeeper came by and handed her a backpack. The woman had mid-length brown hair, wore glasses, and was efficient in her movements and manner of speaking.

Before Niwt could speak the lady said: “These are from KJ; change in the elevator and leave the bag. Hit the basement button as you exit the elevator.”

“Now get out of here.”

And she walked away without saying another word or even looking back.



Niece saw her targets leave the hotel through the back door, heading for the employee parking lot where they were told to park, for free, as honored guests of the hotel. They were given Card Keys that would open the employee gate when they exited. KJ made sure the keys didn’t work.

They got in two police SUV cruisers and drove toward the parking lot exit. Niece was standing near the exit about ten feet from the gate, on the left side and next to a 32 foot RV.

Niece shot an arrow at the front tire of each SUV, and each hit their mark and caused the SUV’s to slump to one side.

One by one the cops got out of each car and, once they were all out, Niece marked five with lasers.

Her J. Balvin music played a fast tune in her left ear and she bobbed to the beats.

Niece silently thanked KJ and paused her breathing and her head bobbing. Her hair was in a tight bun and that made her laugh because she knew uncle would just shake his head and ask her why she was tying up all that pretty hair in a “evil” bun, as he called them.

She smiled at the memory. Then the arrows flew.

As the arrows flew Niece reached back for the next arrow. Then the next. And then the next. All eight hit their target and the cops fell to the ground with an arrow through the neck or heart.

The other two cops had drawn their weapons and were in a defensive position behind the door of each of the SUV’s. Their radios did not work; KJ had seen to it.

They were in position and looking around in the direction where Niece had fired from.

Niece wasn’t there anymore, though, having moved further to her left and out of sight of the cops. After the last of her arrows had been fired she broke down her bow, put it in her backpack, and headed for the rendezvous.

As she walked away, each cop saw her and screamed for her to “GET DOWN”!! Niece turned around and looked at them, recognizing that they were warning her while not recognizing that she in fact was perfectly safe while they were in mortal danger.

Behind them she saw Niwt approach the lead SUV. The cop saw her and attempted to grab her, thinking he was protecting her. He felt warm blood running down his chest and thought to himself that the lady he rescued must have been injured. Then he lost his grip on her and as he realized what had really happened; the Kukri punctured his heart and everything went dark.

HELP!! HELP!! He’s been injured! He’s dying! Niwt was standing up screaming and looking down at the other cop who now stood up. He saw the blood on Niwt and moved to help her and his fellow cop.

As the second cop rushed over to Niwt, she moved towards him and sliced his neck in one motion and he dropped hard to the ground.

Niwt’s clean clothes were bloody again and she looked down and shook her head.

Niece whistled and Niwt looked up and looked her in the eye. They walked to each other, hugged, and then left to go to the rendezvous location.

“Niwt, you got me all bloody!”

“Sorry, Niece, Niwt said with a smile. Consider it payback for splattering Mr. Scopes blood on me.”



Peg applied more sunscreen. This midwestern sun is no joke she told herself. She’d told the crew to be certain to use a lot so that their facials would be preserved. They promised they would. They wouldn’t though. People rarely did, Peg thought.

Peg missed her sessions with him. He was one of her first customers. He’d just lay there and she’d do “whatever you do, just go right ahead; I trust you” he’d say. And she would. He even let her do his brows.

He’d talk about his fears and vulnerabilities and she’d just listen. He said her sessions were therapy. She missed him.

She was sitting across from the St. Louis Arch. The old Gateway to the West. Designed in 1947, it was constructed in 1963 and finished in 1965. It is 630 feet and it was built as a monument to the country’s western expansion.

The cops were invited to receive the Keys to the Arch – an honorarium reserved for President’s, astronauts, Missouri Governors, and a few St. Louis Cardinal baseball Hall of Famers.

And now, fifty cops who received an official invitation from the Mayor of St. Louis and Governor of Missouri.

The Arch was closed to the public and the American Flag flown at half mast in honor of the fallen cops. The men were told to gather on the West side of the arch and that is where all fifty lingered and talked; greeted one another and smoked cigarettes and drank coffee.

It was a jovial gathering. The mood was light. It would change later when the cameras were on at the funeral, but for now, the cops were in a good mood.

Peg drove away and headed for the rendezvous, content that she had enough sunscreen. Her new floppy hat helped, too, and she was fairly satisfied with herself.

She’d check on the ladies later.


Peg got on the freeway and heard the explosion. That was the bomb set near the St. Louis Arch, but not at it. It was a decoy bomb to get the assembled cops stunned, and then for them to react and move toward the Arch. Which they did after a few minutes as they all rushed in to investigate the small explosion.

And then the bigger bomb detonated. And then another. And then one more to ensure the Arch came down.

She saw the dust in her rearview mirror and then she turned the radio on. Ed Sheeran was playing. She loved Ed Sheeran music and thought she’d play his latest song for the ladies when they all met.

They’d all like that, she said aloud to herself before she started belting out Ed’s latest ballad.

At the site that was formerly where the St. Louis Arch was located, all the gathered cops were dead. Most bodies would never be recovered. They had gathered on the exact spot Peg placed one of her bombs the night before, after the Arch was closed due to an electrical problem caused by KJ.

“There will be no “Gate way to the West” KJ said. “Those days are OVER. The WEST is FREE and until we take our country back, they need to know the WEST is not SAFE for any of them, either!”

Peg pulled up to the rendezvous place and saw the ladies.

And she saw the cops.




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